Episode Scripts
by Suzunomiko
Summary: I present to you, Mozenrath fans, my episode scripts. Each episode wil be submitted as a different chapter, and they will be submitted in the order they were origionally aired. Enjoy my very own interpretation of what goes on during these episodes!
1. THE AMAZING CHANGING MOODGAUNTLET

This is a gift for the Mozenrath Yaoi website and all of my sisters! I, Suzu no Miko, the Acolyte, am submitting my first ENTIRE EPISODE SCRIPT. I don't really feel the need to explain myself beyond that I've been wanting to do this for a while, in my own words, and had the sudden inspiration to do so after my computer at work crashed so spectacularly that they've had to order me a new one. Nothing that I did, of course... just that it'd had more than enough of me muttering to myself all day and decided to committ pesticide.

Anyway, I will be doing all nine episodes, in order, and will be giving them alternate titles to go by depending on what I find most interesting about the episode. Any feedback is welcome, as these summaries are being written in my own words and I'm certainly libel to offend someone. In fact, I'm planning on it. These are meant to be funny, mind you, and are honestly my first impressions upon watching the episodes.

Don't be suprised if the length varies from episode to episode, as Mozenrath's presence is solely the reason I watched them in the first place.

I do however, suffer from a lack of the Mozenrath episodes since my tape was lent to a friend who seems to have lost them. Bitch... So any help in finding the episodes online would be greatly appriciated.

And so, without further delay or explanation (not that I require any) here is the first episode script.

THE AMAZING CHANGING MOOD-GAUNTLET

(The Citadel)

First aired: 10-25-94

Episode Number: 37

Now, this is one of those episodes that makes any good fangirl want to jump up and down with joy at seeing such a perfect new villain. Not only is it the first appearance of our favorite character - Mozenrath's premier - but it also contains some fun mythical creatures, incredibly unique interior design schemes, animation mistakes and some really memorable quotes.

It all starts with another seemingly random monster attack. Now, really, one would think that being subjected to the wrath of monsters and the like on such a regular basis would make the people of Agrabah more composed with their presence and trust that, eventually, someone would intervene on their behalf. This IS after all, the thirty-seventh episode of the series, and all that after the second movie. But it is not to be, and everyone is once again running around aimlessly in a panic with their arms up in the air, screaming like unwilling theme park patrons that have been shanghied into going on a roller coaster by their friends.

For shame, Agrabanians. The denizens of Townsville have complete faith in their three toddlers, and you can't even hold trust in your future sultan.

The creature, that looks very much like something that was rejected from being printed on one of those blasted Pokemon cards, isn't really hurting anyone per-se. It's just flying around and scaring the living hell out of anyone that it gets close to. Threat? No. Still, it is causing some collateral damage (In the form of a single pile of pots in the middle of the road, where NO ONE is standing!) and needs to be dealt with before it decides to make off with something REALLY important... like somebody's kid.

Obviously feeling nautious from the stench of unwashed desert dwellers, the creature flies higher to catch it's breath before going down again.

At this point the camera pans over to a cart full of pears, and one of them begins to glow. Levitating by magic, the fruit flies over to the hand of a devilishly pretty man in wizard garb. Yes, you read that correctly. A pretty man... a wizard that is a pretty man... a wizard that is a pretty man who is stealing fruit during the commotion caused by the monster.

Ladies and gentleman, we have made contact with the Villain. The Nemesis. All hail the clothes, the hair, the LIPS of this magnificent tribute the the realm of all that is evil. He bites into the fruit and sneers at the plight of those around him, "Cowards, Xerxes. All of them." He pauses, listening to the giggles of his eel-like familiar as he chews. And with a smattering of gasps and squeals, the fangirls of the world note that his voice is pretty damned sexy too.

Now recovered from the rancid air, the creature lands on a nearby roof just in time to watch three of the most irritatingly mismatched Palace Guards anyone has ever seen run to the aid of the people. Bout damned time, too, as in this particular series, the aid usually comes much faster than this. The obece guard in the back looks up at the ADORABLE monster and says "OOH! It is so ugly!"

Look who's talking, fatty.

The burly guard up front draws his sword with a sneer of his own, but still allows the freakishly skinny guard to go in front of him toward his iminent death. There was a draw of straws apperently, otherwise no warrior would have EVER let the runt of the group go first. Teh creature, looking very uninterested with them, very casually knocks the shrimpy little man aside with one smooth movement. It's the obece guy's turn next, as the only one that looks as if he might be able to handle the fight is too busy watching our hero fly around in the background until he can make his flashy entrance, and his sword is simply plucked up by the jaws of the beast and bitten into multiple shards of metal.

At this point the camers flashes over to the burly guard, who now has the skinny one in his arms as if for comfort or protection. It looks pretty cozy, really, and if you go through the scene image by image it almost looks like they might start dancing in precisely three pictures. This is not to last however, and the burly guard uncerimoniously drops the other on his ass in the sand after hearing the skinny guard say that it wasn't human.

No... really, fucktard? I thought it was a dog catcher.

The burly guard says he is the monster's match, implying that he himself is not human. I agree. Nothing that horribly ugly could possibly be human - I'd really prefer the monster truth be told. He charges the creature, getting his sword knocked away instantly since he's a gigantic pansy, but a pansy none the less.

We get a brief, heavenly glimpse of our Villain once again, hearing him comment that "This one has the muscle." to beat his little creation. Then the guard drops to his knees and begs the creature for mercy after no more than a few very un-threatening squawks. As our villain vocalizes no more than two seconds later...PATHETIC.

It should be noted that the only reason I bothered to write out the scene with the guards was to illustrate how immensely stupid they are, and to lead up to this next scene.

Now satisfied with the floor show, Aladdin finally decides to jump to the rescue of his TRUE mortal enemy. I wouldn't have, but apparently witnessing that little display of weakness made his fucking day, and he decided to cut the whiny support character a little slack. Good for you, hero. However, the instant they are in the air that damned mouth opens and spills out a random assortment of rubbish - he comments that he was about to get the drop on the creature, implying that Aladdin was just getting in the way. Not only that, but he dares to call his future ruler a street rat.

Aladdin just smiles and says "Drop away, Rhazoul.", letting go of the man in MIDAIR and watching in sadistic glee as the big man falls right into a cart of hay, breaking it under his incredible weight.

Nice one, Aladdin. BURN!

Our adorably broody villain stares in detatched amusement at the teen on the flying carpet, and comments that "This one shows... flair." That is certainly debatable, though I'm sure that at least 70 of the fangirls agree with you there... but he's still nowhere near as impressive as you.

A battle scene ensues, so very similar to the rest of the episodes that most look away and miss the fact that our gorgeous villain keeps STARING at Aladdin. Ah, the sexual tension is already quite evident my friends, and I guarantee it'll only progress from here.

Unfortunately, Aladdin doesn't have as good a grip on the creature as he previously thought, and gets flung on a collision course with a bed of metal spikes. Of course the damned DJINN has to come to the rescue, having cheated by glancing at the script. Plotholes really suck sometimes, and stunningly well dressed villain dude agrees with me.

"A Genie... Now, that's not very sporting."

Not very sporting indeed. But that is quickly remedied by the monster, who knocks the blue comic relief onto the bed of spikes instead. It should be noted here that there aught to be screaming and blood spraying unimpeded by flesh in all directions, but there is none - much to the dissapointment of most, I'm sure.

Anyway: another really boring battle scene.

At the end, after Aladdin has managed to drive the creature straight into a wall, the gorgeous wizard says that "He's good! Let's se HOW good..."

Damn, but the sexual atmosphere is BURNING!

The scene changes quite suddenly, the only upshot of which is the fact that the editors decide to, for a brief moment, make the audience believe our bad guy has done himself up in drag for the sake of a test. He hasn't though, for a few practical reasons involving height and the fact that he doesn't want to be scooped up into the arms of a man he hasn't even met yet - so he sends a temporary decoy instead.

The ruse lasts as long as it takes Aladdin to realize that an eel is not a baby, which is only achieved when it tries to bite him. Moron. The decoy then dissolves and our beloved villain reappears. Now if only we knew his name... Of course we do because hindsight's a bitch, but I probably should write this as if we don't.

He appears in all his magnificent glory from behind the curtains, saying to Aladdin, "Good work! You beat a magical monstrosity."

Aladdin gets his first look at this guy and the hamsters in his brain stop running completely for a good beat or two before he can manage to reply. ?man... woman... man...? The girlish features don't really say "MAN" at all, but the voice and mannerism can't be beat. Not only that, but everything matches and goes so well together that he momentarily loses track of the fact that he has a fiance, because quite frankly the vision of perfection before him is substantially more attractive to the eyes and ears. But still... we all know exactly what the uncultured street rat is thinking. This dude looks like a lady... True that, but you could be a bit more sophisticated about it. Dumbass. And after all that the only thing he can think to say out loud is "Uuhhh... yeah."

Idiot! Moron! DUMBASS!

Mozenrath continues, tolerant and a bit flattered by the reation his immaculate perfection has wrested from the self proclaimed macho man, or Hero. "I hope my little... creation... didn't play too rough."

Aladdin reacts with anger, as his mind has been overloaded on adoration and lust to the point where it is unable to process those particular emotions anymore. He violently thrusts his finger forward, first poking our villain in the chin, then sliding his finger up to the tip of his bottom lip, then appearing as if he wants to put the digit into the beauty's mouth. Scroll through the images one by one my friends. I kid you not. The really, REALLY sad thing is that someone actually sat down and drew this, carefully, then pieced it together for the reel bit by bit. And nobody caught that? Hmmm... maybe they just didn't care.

"YOU turned that monster loose?" he hisses, looking about ready to strike.

Xerxes, looking cute and loyal, comes forward and happily chirps, "I helped!"

All hail Xerxes, the perfect sidekick. Willing to take abuse, blame, ridicule... and all with the determination of a martyr. He is loyal and chipper to no end, and above all never allows his low level of intellect to get in the way of completing his given task! We love you, you adorable little eel! Stay by our villain's side forever, and we will make you plump and happy with love, adoration, and lots of tasty treats!

Ahem...

"Think of it as a test." he continues. "The good news is, you passed."

Aladdin rages once again, his brain still fried. "A TEST? People could have been hurt!"

Baddie and Xerxes look at each other in mutual uncaring and the wizard once again turns to Aladdin. "And your point would be?"

Oh, you devilishly sly genious, you!

"Look, the important thing is: we found each other. See... I have a -job- for you."

Aladdin mentally cringes at this incredibly suggestive turn and decides to change the subject altogether... "Who are you?"

YES! FINALLY! TELL US WHO YOU ARE! And, hopefully, where you live, your age, marital status, favorite color, type of partner...

He intruduces himself with flourish and pride, bowing to Aladdin in a gesture of trust that he won't be hit on the head. "I am MOZENRATH! Ruler of the distand Land of-"

And then he is RUDELY cut off by the man he's just BOWED to. Some fucking HERO.

"Ruler?" Aladdin sneers, acting more like a dick then even the VILLAIN has managed to be at this point. "Ha! Yeah, right. You're barely older than ME."

A low blow that, seeing as how it's entirely possible Mozenrath is a prince who's father has just met a premature and untimely demise. He's not... and it's really not a big deal but still. There was that possibility, and Aladdin should have known better. Especially if he plans to be Sultan someday. After all, what kind of a hero goes around poking fun at orphaned princes? This is just proof that being a hero does in no way make you a decent person overall, now isn't it?

Mozenrath, not one to be beaten by simple banter, pokes Aladdin in the chest twice with a single bare finger and says, without missing a beat, "Which is more your problem than mine, I think."

SWEET! I take that previous BURN back from Aladdin and give it to YOU, dear Mozenrath! You deserve it more!

At that moment the Djinn shows up with a sandwich on his head, and the entire commentary goes from 'playful banter with sexual undertones' to 'meaningless comments from the peanut gallery'. I zoned out until I saw Moze again... so the dialogue was totally lost.

Just after, Aladdin whistles for his transportation slave - er... I mean carpet, and flies off in a decidedly Jasmine-like huff. He feels the sexual tension too, apparently, and wants to get far, far away before his hetero illusion shatters and he loses his chance to boss around the Agrabanians that tormented him as a child. He calls behind him as he leaves, "Find someone else to do your DIRTY work, Mozenrath!"

And if the show hadn't been blatantly obvious before... it certainly is now.

Mozenrath flings his cloak up in the manner of cheesy vampires worldwide and teleports himself to a roof just past where Aladdin is flying. "You don't get it, Aladdin! I'm talking HUGE reward!" Moze presses just as the younger teen passes, angering Aladdin enough to turn back and face him much like a pissed cheerleader trying to get the quarterback to leave her alone before she has to file for a restraining order. Moze's pickup lines aside, I think Aladdin is nuts.

"No, YOU don't get it!" Aladdin seeths, stopping the sentence right there. Mozenrath has him at a loss for words at this point, or at the very least INTELLIGENT words.

"You'll risk your life for others but not for gold?" Moze nearly gasps, getting the sinking feeling that money will not be enough to get Aladdin into bed with him after this little matter is settled.

Aladdin verifies this with another childish comeback and zips out of sight.

Mozenrath is understandably dumbstruck and crestfallen, because the guy he's chosen to help him out and later on molest has refused him on all endevors. He sighs, petting his familiar. "This won't be as simple as I thought..." he starts, then calls up the determination and wicked wit that will set the tone for the rest of his appearences on the show. "But it will be much more fun!"

BLACKOUT

What is this now? The partially demolished remains of a once magnificent home? Must be Aladdin's hovel. And it is - just before dawn and everyone is still peacefully sleeping. The camera pans all around so we get a good look at all the characters sleeping helplessly in the half-light, because the people who design the storyboards are perverts too and know we'll get a kick out of watching them all sleep relaxed and unawares of the CAMERA in the room.

The panning stops at the window (if you could call it that), where Genie's lamp is perched precariously on an uneven pillow right on the edge of a half-demolished ledge that would land him six floors down were he to fall. Aladdin needs to be shot for that one, since if the lamp breaks his blue friend is donefore and he KNOWS this from the second movie, but we'll let it slide for now since Mozenrath is once again with us. He steals the lamp and makes it dissapear with the look of a cat that's just found out how to open the icebox to get at the cream, and wakes our heroes with a voice that would make everyone reading this smile in blank-minded joy.

"Rise and shine! You have a busy day."

Oh, how I wish I were Aladdin right now... what a way to wake up!

"Mozenrath! What are you doing here?" Aladdin yelps in shock, the same tension in the atmosphere from yesterday disturbing his fragile little mind. As if it weren't disturbing enough to be woken by a man that had just tried to 'purchase his services' yesterday, he realizes that the man is leering at him as well.

Mozenrath puts his hands up in a show of good fortune that is complete and total bullshit, and says "I just can't take 'no' for an answer." We know, hun. We know. He continues to compliment Aladdin's hovel in a sarcastic tone, and Aladdin actually NODS as if he believes him! Again, the kid is a total moron. "But..." he continues, "...something seems to be missing. Something... blue! And magical!" Thanks for spelling it out, Moze... otherwise Aladdin NEVER would have gotten it.

Now, this scene is really fun because we get a really good side-to-side look at the bois next to one another. That happened before but since it was Mozenrath's first appearence no one in their right mind would have been paying attention to height at that moment - more like gawking at him in general. Still, we have definitely established that Mozenrath is at least a good six inches taller than Aladdin. The 'taller than you' rule of yaoi doesn't QUITE influence us as much as it would if this were an anime, because we're americans watching an american show... and WE make the rules, damnit!

"Genie..." Aladdin's mind has finally pieced together what's going on. Good for him! "What have you done with him!"

Mozenrath looks straight up at the cieling like a seven year old girl that's trying to look innocent after microwaving the cat, and teleports behind Aladdin's back just because he can. "Why tell you, when I can show you?" Then he teleports Aladdin and all his pets... friends... pets... to his home! THE CITADEL!

We get a really sweet view of it up on it's structurally impossible perch and have got to admit, albeit grudgingly, that it looks like something Tim Burton came up with after dreaming about the Power Puff Girls for weeks on end. They appear right next to the front doors and, after ignoring everything Iago has said from the theme song to this point, Aladdin asks where they are.

I believe it should be noted at this time that all of the Mamluks are TALLER THAN MOZENRATH proving that the FRANKENSTEIN theory of needing large people to piece the body back together after death is understood in this universe as well.

Mozenrath claps his hands together gently and, with a serene look on his face, says, "Ahhh... No place like home."

And now Iago says the first of two things at all worth repeating in the episode - he names the place they have come to be in as "The Land of the Black Sand". Smart bird, but irritating.

We will ignore him until he says something useful again.

"My KINGDOM!" Mozenrath exclaims in answer to the little red puffball of feathers - this being the first time in the entire episode anyone has acknowledged the fact that he actually spoke. Iago continues to mention fleetingly that Destain runs this place, and even Jafar steered clear of him. Mozenrath's answer to this is as follows: "Ah, Destain. He was like a father to me. Until I stole his power and his throne."

Background story... just vague enough to work with a good fanfiction, isn't it?

"And then... I stole his humanity." At this point he starts speaking directly to a green zombie soldier, who walks up to him and drops to his knees in front of Mozenrath. "Hello, Destain.. hellooo. You shambling half-dead MAMLUK!"

Is anyone else sensing hostility there? Is it just me?

Aladdin demands to know what happened to Genie, and Moze haughtily puts his hand up to his ear just slightly BEFORE a howl rings in the air. Precognition maybe? Hmmm... "There's your answer now. The distinctive cry of the Thurdak!"

Thurdak?

WHAT THE HELL IS A THURDAK?

Xerxes, please help us out here.

"Thurdak DANGEROUS!" he informs us, starting the explanation that Mozenrath gratefully follows. Makes you wonder who's really in charge, doesn't it?

"Indeed, the beast devours magic. And all things magical. With the Thurdak in my coil, no other sorcerer could touch me." Sounds a lot like he wants THAT specifically. Destain, you sick motherfucker, what did you DO? "I will be-"

"ALL POWERFUL!" Xerxes finishes, almost interrupting... but not quite. Mozenrath lets it slide gracefully.

Then, in a display of either sheer ignorance and ridicule or infinite inside knowlegde, Iago proceeds to shout: "It's JAFAR JUNIOR!" Shut up, you irritating featherduster. Nobody cares what you think, and you're just creating annoying shippers who want to pair Jafar up with a smattering of women to produce Mozenrath - ultimately ending in heartache for those of us that have a love of all that is yaoi.

Aladdin speaks, for once something intelligent comes out - an inquiry of sorts. Perhaps spurned by curiosity. "If this thing eats magic, won't it bite the hand that feeds it?" OH! Score one for Aladdin - ouch!

"YES." Mozenrath immediately agrees... a bit too fast for my liking. "Once bitten -"

"Twice shy!" Xerxes, we love you to death... but shut up. Mozenrath should have said that in his verysexy voice.

Mozenrath looks at his familiar again and, in his infinite patience lets this interruptin slide too. "I have devised a collar to control the beast."

"Mozenrath smart!" Okay, Xerxes. You're very perceptive. Shutthefuckup, adults are talking.

Aladdin looks thoughtful, and pieces another clue together with the help of the rodents in his head. "So, you need ME to put that thing on the Thurdak, right?"

"Other mortals have tried... all have failed. But you, Aladdin, have no choice. Collar the beast. Oh, and do it before snack time, if you want your Genie to, heh, you know... live."

BURN NUMBER 2! THAT'S what you get for refusing the great Mozenrath, you little punk! I gotta keep a score card for this... where the hell is my notebook?

Aladdin enters the Citadel and we see, for a fleeting moment, an above-shot of the entryway. There are incredibly spiffy chandeliers hanging up that glow blue in the totally dark hallway. I reiterate: they glow BLUE. Spiffy as can be. On the floor in the upper left hand side of the screen we see a mosaic of a magnificent giant snake with stripes on it. And just where the faint light from outside hits we see the vague image of a sideways skull. Nice effects... and really neat decorating. Mozenrath is no longer in the story at this moment, which is BAD no doubt, but gives ua a chance to admire the inside of his home without such a yummy-looking distraction. The scene changes, and on the walls in the back there is a pattern that looks distinctly like Zorro masks. SWEET!

The Genie wakes up in a hallway that DEFINITELY has SKULLS on all the walls. Sweeter still. I'm not really interested in the story at this point, as you can tell. I think I may just go through the inside of Moze's house until we see him again.

Or at least... until we see something neat like the Thurdak. He looks very much like a gigantic rolly-poly bug with a single eye on it's forhead, hooves, and a mouth with spiky teeth and a grotesque tonge that has a very leech-like sucker on the end.

EEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!

I don't think this guy would have made Pokemon... DIGIMON maybe, but not Pokemon.

BLACKOUT

A chase scene ensues. Boring... except for the barely legal references to other shows and celebrities that made Robin Williams famous in the first place. Kudos there.

OOH! Pillars with hourglasses on them! Stuff that looks vaguely like vampire shadows... LOOK AT ALL THE BEAMS ON THE CIELING! Bondage material there.

Okay, the Thurdak has jumped Genie and is sucking on his head... NOT THAT ONE! Genie dissapears... reappears under the monkey's hat... blah, blah, blah.

Sorry, my short attention span is starting to sho-

MOZENRATH IS BACK!

"Hero FAIL!" Xerxes announces confidently, floating around Mozenrath's head lazily.

"Patience, Xerxes. Aladdin will not let his Genie become the Thurdak's victim." Mozenrath is playing it cool, serenely waiting out his chance to rush in and snatch victory right out from under Aladdin's nose. Wonderful villain move there, absolutely wonderful. Xerxes mutters that it's too quiet, and Mozenrath finally becomes irritated and holds onto the little bugger's tail with his ungloved hand and hangs him upside-down. "Not quiet enough, Xerxes!" he threatens harshly.

"Xerxes quiet..." the eel says submissively.

AWWW! You just want to PET him... But it IS something to realize that Mozenrath didn't actually hurt the familiar - just scared him a bit.

A recycled shot of the Citadel is next - not a bad choice as it does look pretty awesome, and now back to the heroes.

COOL! A shot of Mozenrath's study, laboratory, experament room... place! We get a glimpse of all sorts of the cool goodies that he uses. Bottles, beakers, bunsen burners, pipes dripping one potion into another, books, scales, levells, scrolls, hourglasses, pestles, something that looks incredibly like the Genie's lamp right above the scroll on the table in the middle of the shot, a chandelier with rabbit ears on it, a snowglobe with what looks like a scorpion in it, and a skull with THREE EYES ON IT! Oh, wait... is that a swan? I think it's a swan... squints

Oh, well. There is also a clay statue, life-size, of the Thurdak, and a grand tapestry that tells the tale of the creature. It comes from a world full of magic - so full that the magic is like water and in this world the Thurdak is starving to death.

It's a wonder Mozenrath allows them to roam freely through his laboratory, isn't it?

Some other things we see are interesting. One blue and green globe near a table looks like a globe of the earth - strange seeing as how the earth is supposed to be accepted as FLAT during this time period. Then there's a stove with an oblong pot on it that looks like bad modern art, and a machine that appears to be straining water. Hmmm...

The scroll with the instruction for the collar on it is really spectacular because, if Mozenrath did indeed DEVISE the collar in the first place, he has to be the one that drew the picture on the scroll! YAY! HE'S AN ARTIST TOO!

The Thurdak attacks... another fight scene. Wow... I think I'll go get a drink.

BLACKOUT

Fight scene continues. WAY too many of these really, especially if Mozenrath isn't involved. Not nearly enough sexual tension to keep me interested. It ends up with Aladdin's capturing of the beast. He manages to do this when no one can actually SEE him, so he may have cheated somehow. We'll never know, because he was off-screen at the time. Bummer.

"It's okay, Genie!" he says, trying to sound commanding. "He's under my control."

Mozenrath appears out of nowhere and quite suddenly grabs the leash out of Aladdin's hands. "WRONG! The Thurdak is under MY control!" Wicked awesome entrance there. Mozenrath, we love you and your talent for entertaining the masses! He then waves his Gauntleted hand and lights the torches, which all flare to life with sweet sound effects for both the magic and the fire. Mood lighting now in place, Mozenrath resumes his shameless leering over Aladdin - who appears unphased at this moment for no real reason. I blame the animators for lack of reaction on Aladdin's part.

The Djinn demands to know what's next, rearing to go for a no-holds-barred fight against this incredibly perfect example of ruthless villainy. Aladdin informs him that it's over... and time to go. Mozenrath has won.

And, like a complete moron, Mozenrath believes what he says. The VILLAIN believes what the HERO says! Not good for the flow of chi. I'm confused... isn't he supposed to be much smarter than that? I mean, REALLY. One would think that Mozenrath's character is not being done justice at this point, and the animators, storyboard artists, voice actors and directors should all be very VERY ashamed of themselves. I must say, sadly, that in the very first episode they have managed to make Mozenrath OOC... a sad thing indeed, my friends. Out of character moments never really satisfy, much like comedy in the place of art. The thrill is brief, but nothing you go and brag about later.

I think I've made myself cry...

It's just not fair...

sob

(the author takes a break at this point and downs two glasses of wine in exactly six gulps.)

several deep breaths I feel better now. Okay, back to the script.

I will skip Mozenrath's next line, as typing it out may make me cry again.

Anyway, Aladdin leaves, gets to the gates, then proudly proclaims that his little preformance was just to throw off Mozenrath. No shit. I was nine years old when I first saw this episode, and already knew that. He starts whispering his plan to his pets... friends... pets. Yeah, pets.

Cut scene to Mozenrath, who is leaning over a circular table with pictures of all the lands that exist in this show on it. He muses over what land he should conquer first.

"Decisions, decisions... who to conquer first?"

"Corkistan?" Xerxes offers helpfully. SOO CUTE!

"An enchanted land blessed with an enchanted king... an intrigueing target. Hm." Mozenrath grants to the eel. He then spins the table to another picture. "Perhaps the subterranian world of the Al-Muddy?"

"Definite maybe." Xerxes agrees. I want to steal him and keep him for my own and feed him cookies until he's too heavy to fly away! petpetpetpetpet

Mozenrath continues, unheeding of my eyeing of his familiar. He points to the Thurdak rather evilly and says, "And you will devour my magical foes!" Poor Thurdak... you really feel sorry for it. I think getting bitchslapped by fate isn't going to be enjoyed by anyone, no matter the species. It whines and turns away like a dog too tired and hungry to argue.

Then my friends comes the scene that is the namesake of this episode! The alternate name, I mean. While the following line goes on: "Agrabah! Not a particularly magical place... why conquer it? pause Oh, because it's there!" Like I said, while this is going on, Mozenrath's Gauntlet changes color from brown to black to brown to black and back to brown again. I remember doing a doubletake at this and thinking, "What the fuck!" even as a ten year old.

Still, even that wasn't enough to distract me from noticing the distinctly GIRLY flick of the wrist Mozenrath displays as he waves his hand dismissively at the picture on the table. Phht. What was THAT?

He turns the table again, coming face-to-ankle with Aladdin's feet. Ugh... nasty.

"Not while I'm here!" Aladdin growls, then jumps from the table to land behind Mozenrath, where he pushes the man bodily onto the turntable and spins it around with such force that our beloved villain turns into a bunch of blurred images and wavy lines for a total of three seconds. When the spinning of the table has stopped, Mozenrath still notices a spinning in his head, as evidenced by the uncomfortable "oaugh..." he moans just after.

AT THIS MOMENT still, pause the frames again, YES, again, and watch carefully. In order, the pictures appear to be...

1) Mozenrath staring at Aladdin's crotch as he begins to jump overhead.

2) Aladdin about to unmercifully grope the sorcerer's very yummy bottom.

3) Aladdin seemingly comforting the man by placing his hand on his shoulder, while Mozenrath looks very,very high.

4) Aladdin about ready to give Mozenrath a bear hug - Moze still looks high.

5) Aladdin appears to be dancing, and Mozenrath has that "Oh, sweet Ra, he's drunk again!" look on his face.

6) Aladdin has very roughly grabbed Mozenrath SQUARELY ON HIS ASS while he's laying on the table, and Mozenrath looks MORTIFIED and like he feels violated.

7) Moze looks like he's sleeping on the table now, and Aladdin is about ready to cover him better with his cloak to keep him warm.

8) Moze has just woken up from sleeping on the table, and noticed his stalker is in the room, hands poised to grab his ass again.

9) AFTER the spinning table bit, Aladdin has grabbed Mozenrath's cloak about his shoulders and it looks as if they're about to kiss.

10) A little bit later and it REALLY looks as if they're about to kiss, as Aladdin has hefted Mozenrath even higher off of the table.

11) And again... this time leaning a bit further back.

12) AND! AGAIN! ONLY CLOSE-UP!

No shit, this is exactly what it looks like frame-by-frame. Someone at Disney loves us, I swear.

But, back to the dialogue...

Aladdin grabs poor dizzy Mozenrath and shakes him rather violently, threatening to set the Thurdak loose on Moze and his magic if he doesn't set it free. Mozenrath scoff at him. "You wouldn't! You're not that ruthless!"

Maybe not... but what about the bird?

Ah, yes... the fucking BIRD! Who could forget about the bird?

Iago does, in fact, loose the Thurdak. Though it is a necessary part of the plot, I must say that I haven't wanted to kill him this badly since the movie when he came up with the plan to kill Aladdin.

Mozenrath's EXACT words are as follows, as he slowly rises from the table, then leaps away in frantic flight. "No. No! N-no! NOO!" Sounds like he's about to be MOLESTED, not attacked, right? Well... get this. Another freeze-frame trick just half a second later reveals the Thurdak and Moze... The Thurdak has just recently knocked Mozenrath down so hard that the poor dude BOUNCED after hitting the solid tile floor and hit again. It also looks, mid-bounce, as if the beast is actually RAPING our dear Mozenrath.

Truly, the animators deserve applause. Really. blows kisses at them

Mozenrath continues to scramble for his life after the all too brief but definitely visible raping, and ends up on the floor right in front of the TAPESTRY. Plothole... or Moze not paying attention? Either way the episode is almost over. As he is being sucked closer and closer to the creatures gaping fanged mouth, Mozenrath "AAAAH!"s like the submissive little bottom we all know he is and gives in - opening the portal so the Thurdak can go home. Not a bad move considering it was about to EAT him.

Once again... are we SURE that Aladdin is a hero? He seems awfully willing to KILL people, even if all they've done is irritate townspeople and cause no more collateral damage than a few broken POTS. Arrogant, insensative, attention-grabbing little...

Ugh.

Mozenrath closes the portal behind the Thurdak, who no doubt goes on living it's life sucking magic out of it's surroundings, having little Thurdak pups and mounting female Thurdaks while fantasizing about Mozenrath as he does so. A monster can dream, can't he?

Mozenrath stands, letting his Gauntlet flare up with a beam of light pointing directly at the Hero like a lazer on a sniper rifle, and growls, "Aladdin... I'LL...!"

And of course, the Djinn pops up and gets in the way. "You'll WHAT, son?"

And I'll be damned if Mozenrath doesn't just walk away. But THIS time... it seems to be in character. After all, he's just been through a very tiring experience and needs to recover after being pushed around by a kid six inches shorter than him, getting raped by a Thurdak, and having to bear the stress of losing a very powerful weapon that could have made him as famous as his predecessor. Bad day, bad day, bad day.

Poor, poor Mozenrath.

And all in his premier episode, too. I think he needs a hug.

He takes it all in stride though, even when Aladdin has the sheer unfair AUDACITY to say to Mozenrath," Think of this as a test, Mozenrath... you failed!"

KILL HIM KILL HIM KILL HIM KILL HIM KILL HIM!

SNARL!

I WILL TAKE THAT STUPID VEST, SHOVE IT THROUGH YOUR EYE SOCKETS AND USE IT AS A HARNESS TO RIDE YOUR SKINNY LITTLE ASS BACK TO THE FILTHY STREETS FROM WHICH YOU CAME YOU HORRIBLE, UNCARING, SNIDE, IDIOTIC, BRAINLESS, VAPID, SEXUALLY FRIGID WASTE OF A SOUL!

Ahem... I apologize.

Now, Xerxes...

WHAT? Stop staring at me like that...

Xerxes looks dissapointed overall with the turnout and asks, "Hero... win?"

"For now." Mozenrath says, walking off, most likely to take a shower then curl up in his bed and cry.

Aladdin, ever the fucking center of attention, HAS to get the last word in. "For good!"

I hate you. I do. Until your character learns how to behave around a truly BRILLIANT villain like Mozenrath, you will not have my respect. He doesn't even LEAVE when the episode is over! The credits start rolling while he's STILL IN MOZENRATH'S HOME! If that's not symbolic of complete and total control, I don't know what is.

And so, overall, my ratings of this episode are as follows:

Evil Plot: 9 out of 10. It couldn't have been better for a first episode unless he had taken Aladdin himself.

Voice Quality: 8 out of 10. No really strange sounding moments, just real MOZENRATH. Or, technically, Jonathan

Cool Creatures: 6 out of 10. We saw the Pterodactyl thing, the Turdak and the first appearence of Xerxes. Rock on.

OOC Mozenrath: 4 out of 10. It's sad too, since this was his debut.

Bitch Fight: 0 out of 10. You'll see what this rating is for later.

Sexual Tension: 7 out of 10. Obviously. Mozenrath actually tried to BUY Aladdin at the beginning of the episode.

BDSM: 0 out of 10. Not applicable at this time.

Number of Animation mistakes, not counting the nasty little snapshots: 2. One for each of the times his Gauntlet changed color.

Hope you have enjoyed this very LONG but informative script. I will be submitting the second installment... as soon as I get the episode from someone.

Please lwt me know what you think, and whether or not this should be put up in it's own section on the website. I DO plan on doing all nine episodes...


	2. THE SPECTACULAR BITCHFIGHT EPISODE

Alright, needless to say I need a disclaimer in here. I do not own Mozenrath or anything in the Aladdin series. I REALLY wish I did, but some of us are not lucky enough to be in possession of a Djinn. If you really want to you can attempt to sue me, but all I own is my wedding ring, a horribly overused Game Cube and a few Zelda games. You won't get much.

I will now be adding another item onto the RATINGS at the end of every Episode I write out – the LESSONS LEARNED item. Here are the lessons from last weeks' episode.

Lessons Learned:

1)Agrabah is a town full of cowards with no directional sense.

2)Razoul is a whiny bitch.

3)Mozenrath has a knack for making every single thing he says sound sexual, no matter what the context.

4)Aladdin is frigid and in denial, therefore has thus far failed to appease the gods of Yaoi. He will be punished in future episodes via the amazing power of Karma.

There you have it. Also, I still need episodes so I can write them out. Someone please help me find them, A.S.A.P. so that I may keep up a good pace on this new obsession. I have run out of Mozenrath episodes – therefore the next one I write will be for a completely different section: OTHER COOL CHARACTERS AND THEIR PREMIERS. In THIS episode listing, I will be including those characters I feel have been severely neglected in the Yaoi universe. These characters will be Nefir, Zin and Zang (the oriental twins from the really neat dragon episode), Mechanicles, and Muktar. Only their premier episodes will be done at this time, unless they're the twins and Muktar… in which case all of their appearances have already been covered. Under appreciated AND underused… poor guys! Disney should really love their more creative villains and support characters more than the stereotypical ones they make for the movies!

I know I have them in thirds as posted online, but it's SO much more fun to be able to freeze-frame and browse cel-by-cel.

And now, on to the next episode.

THE REALLY SPECTACULAR BITCH-FIGHT EPISODE

(The Secret of Dagger Rock)

First Aired: 10-27-94

Episode Number: 39

Now, this episode rocks out loud for many, many very admirable reasons. First of all, there are some incredibly scary bitchfights between Mozenrath and Jasmine... the prize of this suggestive catfight? That would be: Possession of the hero, Aladdin. Now hopefully I'm not the only one that noticed this. Nine years old, and I could STILL sense the tension between them. Not only do they shamelessly battle over Aladdin, but they are willing to subject themselves to trashy pickup-lines, disguise, handling LIVE tar barehanded, parental scorn and grounding to one's room, and CROSSDRESSING to achieve their goal. UGH! Angry possessive divas of the world UNITE!

Anyway, the entire episode reads much like this -

Jasmine: Oh, Aladdin! I'm SO glad you decided to take me out to an Oasis in the middle of nowhere for no apparent reason!

Mozenrath: Aha! Not so fast, rich and spoiled Barbie-knockoff! I am the one who will have Aladdin, AND Agrabah!

Jasmine: Fuck off, BITCH! He's MINE!

Mozenrath: You'll have to get him back from ME first, you trashy and disturbingly PINK little tart!

Jasmine: Just WAIT till I get to Dagger rock, where you have bound my pet street rat and hung him up like a decoration! You will feel the wrath of my instinctive female right of territory!

Mozenrath: Please, bitch! You don't have the proper EQUIPMENT to satisfy Aladdin! And your TITS are small too!

Aladdin: Don't I get a say in this at all?

Bitches unanimously yell: NO!

Aladdin: Whatever... my bitch can kick your ass, even if I can't, Moze!

Mozenrath: BRING IT ON!

Jasmine: EMITS FRIGHTENING FERAL SNARLS AND GROWLS

Mozenrath: HISSES THREATENINGLY AND CHARGES WITH TEETH BARED AND CLAWS FLYING

And so on...

Really, you could get the same basic storyline watching rabid hyenas piss and moan over who gets the best den on the Discovery Channel. Still, the battle at the end is quite interesting, and concealed within this episode are gigantic time line gaps that can be easily exploited for fanfiction. SWEET!

The episode begins with our incredibly dysfunctional hetero couple flying over the golden desert toward an oasis. This is not seen in very many episodes (the two of them flying around alone), as in this time period it is horribly improper for an unmarried couple, especially when one or both of them is of royal blood, to travel outside the city limits and without an ESCORT no less! They could be having pre-marital sex for all dear-old-daddy knows! This tells me that they have snuck out and Aladdin will most likely be beaten senseless by the guards when they get back. Another thing that proves this MUST be true is the fact that Jasmine is wearing pink. Wait... scratch that. She is wearing two shades of not-quite-pink. The lighter one I will call "ugly nursery wallpaper". The darker one, which is more like a botched attempt at creating magenta and/or lavender by mixing random finger-paints from the dollar store, I have affectionately dubbed "mostly healed bruise". Now, the reason I mention the color is this: 90 of the time when Jasmine is wearing anything other than her standard princess garb it's her PAJAMAS. She is SLEEPING IN THEM. Aladdin has obviously snuck into her room before dawn and whisked her away without even allowing her time to change out of her nightdress (in a last-ditch effort to prove to himself and everyone else that he does NOT take interest in men) for a little morning nookie in the desert. Although HE certainly had time to dress in his princely attire - making him look like a male stripper if there ever was one.

Daddy will not be pleased when they get home.

So, they land and start gushing like schoolgirls over how beautiful the day is, because Jasmine has obviously never had to wake up so early for any reason in her sheltered little life and never felt the desert air at around seven am. Aladdin's reply to Jasmine's "What a perfect day!" is to dip her in the manner of sleazy tango dancers worldwide and say "It's all in the company you keep." Wow... that wasn't a cry for sex at all, was it? I mean, usually guys are a little more creative than that, especially when one has a princess to impress.

Next they lean in for a kiss, and Yaoi fangirls all over the world cringe and hide their eyes, screaming that it burns and the world is so cruel and they will do anything if someone would PLEASE stop this horrible thing from happening, at the very least in plain sight.

After all, this IS a children's show... right? Or have we already debunked that theory?

Suddenly, THANK DIOS, a metallic snap is heard, along with the cry of what sounds like a puppy in distress. Hmmm... a puppy in distress in the middle of a desert? Suspicious? Yeah, a little bit. But at least it stopped the KISS. Ich! I just, how, it, you, ARGH!

SHUDDER

Okay, I have recovered from the incredibly-close-call on the kiss. Let's move along.

The source of the puppy-sound is what looks like a fox. And we ALL know that a fox sounds like a PUPPY when caught in what looks like a bear trap, right? rolls eyes Yeah... Incidentally, what the fuck is a BEAR TRAP doing in the desert?

Of course, the hero has to go to the aid of the little creature, saying "What kind of CREEP would set a trap like this?" Probably a starving villager from AGRABAH you now-spoiled-rotten punk! So he pulls open a BEAR TRAP with his BARE HANDS, then the FOX runs over to Jasmine (still in her pajamas) while BARKING like a puppy continuously. Fuck all if I'm not confused, but we will move on anyway. Jasmine says that the fox-dog-puppy... thing is "so cute" in a tone that just makes me want to throw up on the television screen.

Now here comes the fun part... Aladdin tries to move over to her, posing like the big hero (and I guess he IS after managing to open that bear trap...) and discovers that he's STUCK. The camera pans down to reveal what looks like the industrial tar they use to seal the roofs on big buildings. Aladdin is definitely not going anywhere. As he struggles he sinks down to his knees. Now, one must realize at this point that the tar only seems to be covering the ground in a layer only about an inch or so thick - meaning he's sinking into hammerspace through some magical means. Mozenrath must be involved somehow...

AND HE IS!

Seconds later, the fox-puppy-thing in Jasmine's arms turns into Xerxes. WE LOVE YOU XERXES! THANK YOU FOR STOPPING THAT KISS! YOU ARE THE BEST DAMNED EEL IN EXISTANCE AND I WILL LOVE YOU AND HUG YOU AND FEED YOU NICE PASTRIES AND CANDY FOR DOING THE WORLD OF YAOI A SERVICE!

Ahem...

Carpet flies to the rescue, trying to lift Aladdin from the sticky mess. And just when it seems they are making minor progress, a blast of blue-black flame appears from off-screen to the right and sends the rug soaring uncontrollably toward a gathering of trees in the back. We all know what that fire means, right? MOZENRATH IS HERE!

Aladdin GAWKS at the fire when he sees it. He really, truly GAWKS. Watch the episode. The horrible realization that MOZENRATH is here... he's actually HERE... is being burned into his mind like a brand. No... it can't be... his attempt at proving his heterosexuality has been foiled by the very man that made him start thinking about men in the first place! But then, he would know that eel and that fire anywhere, and has to deal with it. As soon as his mind catches up with itself and he gains a few of his brain cells back for voluntary thought, a heavenly voice rings in the air.

"Aladdin... You're looking well."

And damned if it doesn't sound sincere. HI MOZE! waves Aladdin turns to see a portal open up in midair, where Mozenrath hovers, posing for the camera like the arrogant fucker he is. But he has a right to be confident about his looks, doesn't he girls?

"Mozenrath!" Aladdin hisses.

"Guilty." Moze coos. He hasn't even preformed the crime yet and he's already pleading guilty? Damn, but he's got charisma! "Now, let's cut to the bone. (eew...) You know how I've made a career of collecting Magic? I've decided your genie... will now be my genie." And as he is saying this, Xerxes has glided up to the helpless hero and proceeds to sniff his crotch repeatedly then pull at his sash with his little teeth. Though our prayers that the sash will fall off go unanswered, one must note that the situation can only get worse for Aladdin since our poster-boy for devious schemes with strong sexual undertones is here. Aladdin swipes at the eel, and for a split-second his hand completely loses it's color and only the outline is visible - and the scenery behind is clearly seen. Then he swipes with his OTHER hand and it happens again. I am going to assume that the animators were trying to save ink by not coloring body parts that have begun to go through rapid motion, since not many people notice that kind of thing. But I do, and you should all be grateful for it... otherwise I NEVER would have caught that neat little freeze-frame of Mozenrath getting raped by a demon rolly-poly bug in the last episode.

Aladdin sneers at him defensively, not wanting to admit that the man's presence is causing the fluttering of butterflies to be felt in his gut. "Yeah, right! Genie's not here, so you're out of luck!"

Xerxes flies over to Mozenrath and informs him that there is "No Lamp."

"No problem," Moze answers, shrugging adorably. "I have YOU now. I'll have him soon enough." Yet again, Mozenrath's skill for making every single thing he says sound sexual is showing. I'll bet that, before this series is over, he'll have "had" pretty much everyone. Or, if we have OUR way, visa-versa.

Now Jasmine has gotten tired of standing around and watching the boys banter back and forth. She decides to swoop in on Carpet and try to actually lift Aladdin from the tar with her limited upper body strength. Please, honey… if you can't pick him up with nothing holding him down but gravity, how the hell do you expect to pick him out of a gigantic puddle of tar that has stuck to his legs all the way up to his knees? Wait… now it's up to his waist! When did that happen? rewinds tape to see Oh… anyways, now there's just a hell of a lot more tar than my first estimate, and her chances of pulling him out just fell from slim to less than nothing.

Mozenrath on the other hand, thinks her efforts are adorable – much in the way a scientist thinks a mouse trying to dislodge it's water dispenser from the side of it's cage is adorable. Futile, but adorable none the less. "Oohhh. A girl of action. Where are the tears, little princess?" then he scowls and says "Beg me for mercy!" and blasts her narrow ass to the ground, where she lands in the typical female "helpless princess just got hit" pose. Bitch-fight has begun – Mozenrath gets the first point.

Aladdin is obviously distraught, and faces Mozenrath. Instead of screaming JASMINE's name, he screams MOZENRATH's. Sounds to me, in his tone, he is asking the "How could you?" question, without terrible concern for the girl. After all he knows at this moment that he would rather fuck Mozenrath anyway, but still has a connection to his future ex. Mozenrath, spurred on by the sound of his name from Aladdin's lips, makes a gesture and traps the boy in the tar completely in the form of a fist. We hope he didn't crush him…

Jasmine screams her boy-toy's name again… god that's annoying… and runs toward the fist of tar as if she could actually do something about it. Mozenrath, sparing her the humiliation of actually GETTING to the tar and having to stare up at it in utter stupidity, has the tar collapse in on itself and into the form of a black pebble, which he takes into his hand.

"You know princess," he says, "pitiful is very cute on you."

Point to Mozenrath. Score is 2-0 Mozenrath.

"If you want to see your beloved Aladdin again, have the Genie delivered to me at Dagger Rock. By nightfall." And he proceeds to blast her ass again in what we can only assume was a 'because-I-felt-like-it' moment. But the interesting thing about this is that he has just blasted her with his left hand. HIS LEFT HAND! THE ONE WITH NO GAUNTLET ON IT! That would be either a character misinformation, or an animation mistake – either way it will be counted as a mistake, then abused for the sake of fanfiction later on.

"I know this won't be easy, but don't try anything ROYAL, like SENDING AN ARMY. Defy me and…"

Xerxes finishes the sentence for him - "Aladdin PAYS!"

"With PAIN!" Mozenrath adds evilly.

"YES!" Xerxes cheers, moving his flipper as if it were a fist. Then they both proceed to laugh like the maniacal bastards they are and disappear – with Aladdin, quite literally, in hand. Jasmine knows she's been beaten in this bitchfight, and her expression proves it. Looks like she's totally pissed, and is already storing her anger to prepare for the next time they meet.

Scorecard has been updated. Two more points to Mozenrath. Score is 4-0 Mozenrath. VICTORY OF THE FIRST BITCH-FIGHT IS AWARDED TO MOZENRATH! YAAAYYY!

And now you can all see how incredibly impressed I am with this episode, because I have gone through only the first scene so far, and the length of this script is already more than half that of the previous one. Prepare for a long-reader, because I don't plan on stopping anytime soon.

Now we have ended up in Agrabah's throne room, talking to Genie about what Mozenrath is planning. Genie plays his little shape-changing game in the form of a Roman Soldier, Hun, and then a Mighty Duck. Creative, but irritating. Now, right after Jasmine says SHE will rescue her bitch... er... Aladdin, the Sultan storms in from the sidelines. He had obviously been waiting by the door, listening to them talk about the fact that Aladdin had been kidnapped and cheering the whole time. Aladdin was a cool kid, but by no means what one should look for when choosing a future ruler. It's official: the little piss-ant Sultan was going to let the boy rot. But now the prospect of losing his whore of a daughter rears it's ugly head, and he suddenly decides to send out a rescue party, then grounds Jasmine to her room. At least while she's there, she gets the chance to change out of her nightdress. They go through the fight all over again, and between Jasmine and Genie they decide to take matters into their own hands. Any good woman would realize that, by her tone, the princess is not wanting to rescue Aladdin per-se... instead being much more interested in winning the bitch-fight. She doesn't want to be served by some moody anorexic albino (in her opinion), and is prepared to go to any lengths she possibly can to kick his ass.

In her words: "CARPET! You will take me to Dagger Rock! And we are going NOW!"

Shouldn't that have been, "You will take me to ALADDIN?" Apparently not.

Next scene, and we see the guards going to Aladdin's rescue... or so Disney would have us believe. Razoul is leading the pack of only FOUR GUARDS to fight against MOZENRATH - a bloody SORCERER. Not looking too good on the rescue front, eh? One might suspect that even the fat little midget isn't THAT stupid. Well... here's a more likely scenario:

The Sultan has decided that Aladdin is just too much trouble to the Royal line, and has launched a mission to obliterate the threat. Razoul has been instructed to kill Aladdin upon arrival, as well as the three other guards accompanying him so they will never be able to tell anyone. Also, if possible, he has been told to take out Mozenrath as well, and burn all of the bodies but his to make it look like Mozenrath's the one that killed them with his trademark blue-black fire. Anyone with any sense would know that the fire he shoots doesn't actually BURN, but he assumes Jasmine is a woman so naturally she won't know the difference. The whole thing will be reported to Jasmine as a horribly failed rescue attempt, and Mozenrath will be blamed for the deaths of all. During her mourning process, the Sultan will have her marry the prince he's selected to woo her on the rebound, and all will be in his grubby little control once more. Of course, he takes into consideration that there will now be a furious semi-all powerful being in his palace, but trusts that the Djinn will satisfy his rage by going to fight Mozenrath if he's still alive which most likely will be the case, and the two will, eventually, completely destroy each other.

This certainly would have worked, and it would have been very sad indeed, but Jasmine had other plans. She (dressed in a completely ridiculous fake beard and mustache) and Genie replace two of the guards as 'last minute reassignment' and travel along with the rescue/assassination party. The only really cool thing about this part of the show is that Genie tells us his version of "THE BRIEF HISTORY OF MAN!" in an effort to get Jasmine to stop talking to Razoul like a retarded mall-troller. Here it is, exactly as he said it - and you just have to WATCH it to believe it.

"This is the single-cell proto man. This little fella had only one muscle. And so, in an effort to look tough, man evolved. But hard shells were nearly impossible to tattoo. So man swam on. Man needed arms and legs so he could operate a really hot set of wheels. Preferably a liquid-cooled fuel-injected turbo-charged straight eight. (at this point the slightly evolved fish-man in the car says "And the best part? It's LEASED!") This process will continue until he reaches his ultimate MACHO form in the 1970's!"

Priceless, isn't it?

So Jasmine rides up to the incredible bulk , fueled by her newfound knowledge of the average man, and demands that he take the shortcut through the shifting sands. He reacts with anger - the only emotion his brain seems capable of registering besides incredible cowardice in the face of harmless Pokemon-like monsters. Then the obese guard points out that he/she is right, and they change direction. And... in an ultimate display of insanity, Genie decides he wants to be called "NED".

Uh-huh... this is getting bad.

Mozenrath makes another appearance much to my relief, and tosses the black pebble at Dagger Rock itself. The pebble turns back into the black tar and latches onto the rock, while Aladdin reappears and is still caught in the icky black goo. He hangs helplessly in the air, glaring down at Mozenrath as he usually does when someone has him in really uncomfortable bondage. Names will not be mentioned here, but I will say that Jasmine herself makes no real effort to actually get Aladdin out of the stuff once she gets there - she goes straight for Mozenrath to finish the bitchfight.

Now, you ask, how could she have him in bondage when he's never had sex with her? Think for a moment. The girl's used to being in power, and now a MAN is in her life. She realizes that if she doesn't take control of him early on then she will be lost to the same horrid confines of propriety that caused her mother's death. So she ties him up in all sorts of really raunchy gear and teaches him to get off while she beats him senseless, degrades him, and generally makes his life a living hell. Clever, no? Of course, this is only my opinion. But the signs are all there if you bother to look for them.

So back to the story...

Time line gap. Yes, the time line gap. Mozenrath could have ported to the appointed place in an instant, but he shows up only after the rescue/assassination party has left the palace. Assuming he went straight there, the previous scenes would have been shown in reverse order. They have not been shown so, and I can only assume that there was at the very least a two-hour gap between the time he left the oasis to the time he got to Dagger Rock, possibly as much as four hours. I personally believe he went home to torment the prisoner - or at the very least steal his innocence. Which is why Aladdin is so flushed and pissed when he is released again at Dagger Rock.

I'll bet Mozenrath was surprised to find out that Aladdin had already been trained, don't you think?

So...

Mozenrath ignores his glares and for just a moment relishes the fact that he has Aladdin tied up, spread-eagled in midair and at a perfect ogling height. He does this while Aladdin glares down at HIM while Xerxes hovers around Aladdin's crotch AGAIN and giggles roughly. When Xerxes retreats Mozenrath decides to speak. Not the first words they've exchanged since they left the oasis, I'm sure, so it makes perfect sense when Moze gets straight to the point.

"Soon your Genie will be mine." he voices silkily. Aladdin of course insists that Mozenrath will never get Genie. Then follows one of their most famous banter sessions, a mini-bitchfight in which Aladdin most certainly comes out the winner.

Jasmine has trained you well, grasshopper. bows

"And who's going to stop me, Aladdin? You? You who refused to be Sultan so you could play 'the hero'?" REALLY? The last time I checked, the Sultan was still alive... so has he broken up with Jasmine between the little tiff at the oasis and now? YES! IT COULD BE TRUE! One never knows what a man will say in the the heat of unmitigated passion!

"Beats some of your hobbies!" he cheekily spurts, verifying the previous sentence is true to some extent.

"I single-handedly conquered the Land of the Black Sand! I became the most powerful sorcerer of our age! And that's only the start. I WILL RULE THE SEVEN DESERTS!" One must wonder if he's talking about the age of history they're in, or the generation they come from. Either way, he's got a point. After Jafar kicked the bucket (and incidentally ended up doing a fun little skit for the HERCULES series in the Underworld with Hades) I'm pretty sure Moze has the title monopolized.

"Suuuurrreee... but, how many PARTIES do you get invited to?"

BURN! Aladdin has singed the charismatic Mozenrath! Now I KNOW they had sex, because otherwise Aladdin never would have been able to provoke the reaction he receives.

Point to ALADDIN! Winner of mini-bitchfight goes to ALADDIN!

Xerxes laughs, knowing that his Master's been burned and scarred by the man he's just unmercifully fucked and finds it incredibly amusing. Xerxes then becomes the target of misplaced aggression since Mozenrath isn't going to attack Aladdin any more in this scene because of the things he did to him during the lapse in time line just before. If he HAD gone straight to the appointed place then he would have had NO REASON not to attack Aladdin directly for his snippy-ness. Think about that one for a while! Mozenrath grabs onto what seems to be the eel's neck and glares at him point-blank, saying, "SOME of us have free time to torment the prisoner. But SOME OF US should be on the lookout for MY NEW GENIE!" Then he quite literally THROWS the poor eel into flight. Xerxes looks back with a frightened and decidedly HURT expression, and does as he is told.

Aaaaawwwwww...

"You lost this battle the minute you got Jasmine mad." Aladdin suddenly chirps in odd confidence. And it has finally come to this, my friends. Aladdin has finally done it. He has in so many words faced Mozenrath and told him that "My bitch can kick your ass." After living through her sick dominatrix fantasies he has learned that much. He knows that Mozenrath stands no chance against someone so controlling, vicious and violent as the incredible Were-Bitch that is Jasmine.

Mozenrath falters for a split second if you listen closely. He pauses, as if in recognition of that tone of voice Aladdin had just used. The confidence in it... the underlying feeling to it that said he definitely and without any doubt KNEW Jasmine was going to win this fight got through to the wizard's mind and pounded it's way deep into his senses. But, as always, his blind determination won it over, and he continued with the banter unheeding of the warning. And what's more, he dares to mock Jasmine in the process.

"Oh no! I've angered the princess." he cringes sarcastically.

"You don't get it. I've SEEN her mad." Aladdin quips again, a bit more forceful than the last time. What he neglected to say was that she was going to tie Mozenrath up in his own trap and use his own Gauntlet as a paddle to whip his pale ass until it glowed red as Jafar in his Genie form.

"Oh, should I tremble at the painted toes of her dainty little feet? I don't think so. Your precious princess is no doubt WEEPING in some cloistered corner of the palace." But, after hearing the tone twice in a row, not faltering in the slightest bit, we know that Moze is getting just a teensy bit nervous at this point. Or, maybe, it's just me. Very possible.

Another time-gap. Stuff happens at Dagger Rock while Xerxes is spying on the gaggle of Guards, and we didn't get to see it. Use your imagination. I've certainly used mine.

Jasmine did something in this scene that made me want to run at the screen and bash into it head-first in an attempt to force myself into the Aladdin universe so I could kick her narrow little ass. SHE STABBED XERXES!

BITCH! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR? You must make amends to the Gods of Yaoi! They will smote you for degrading the loyal familiar of such an impressively tweakable subject of smut! You heartless, brainless, BREASTLESS brazen whore!

breaths deeply for a few beats.

But then, Xerxes bites Razoul so hard we hear a nifty little crunch sound, obviously from broken fingers. That's not enough to make up for what Jasmine did (The gods of Yaoi will SMOTE you!), but at least it was cute.

Now... Cut to the Palace, where Iago and Abu are fretting over how long it's taking them to save Aladdin. Doesn't last long, but leads up to something funny at the end. Stay tuned.

Mozenrath is pacing now. Just pacing. He looks really anxious, and even turns to look for Xerxes BEFORE he comes into view. More precognition. Keep notes on that, girls. He's not torturing Aladdin like one might think, oh no! He's just walking back and forth in a long line so he doesn't have to face the fact that Aladdin is smirking at him, waiting for his mistress of hell to come and lay a few good lashes into his kidnapper's hide. She may even use her cat-o-nine-tails too! YAY! Xerxes comes back and, like the good little familiar, reports exactly what he saw without telling his master exactly which party he is referring to. Nice little trick there, as it builds up tension in Aladdin and Mozenrath so that when he finally comes out with the whole truth - the reaction from both of them is that much more fun to witness. The conversation goes like this.

Mozenrath: "Give me a full report! "

Xerxes: "Four guards."

Mozenrath: "So did they have the Genie?"

Xerxes: "No Genie."

Mozenrath: "Did you see the Lamp?"

Xerxes: "No lamp."

Mozenrath: "So is there any reason why we shouldn't OBLITERATE Aladdin's little rescue party?"

Xerxes (smiling and shaking his head adorably): "No reason."

Meanwhile, Aladdin says nothing. He knows. Oh, yes my friends, he knows exactly what's going on. He's just biding his time at this point, waiting for the floor show to start. And... trying to ignore the fact that he gets turned on by the thought of Jasmine beating Mozenrath with whips. Wow... an erection would be really inappropriate right now, wouldn't it? Think... ever notice why Disney wouldn't show Aladdin in that scene? Or why Mozenrath kept avoiding looking at him? Yeah.

Mamluk fight between the princess and Genie. The guards preform pathetically, as expected, and there is a really long string of WWF jokes. I sort of fast-forwarded through it for lack of real interest. Though it was funny to see the sand at this point. They apparently ran out of ideas on how to present the black sand, and made the place look like it was blanketed with an enormous layer of Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal swirls. It made me hungry more than edgy... maybe it was a subtle cereal ad? I wouldn't put it past Disney. Not a bit.

Cut back to the palace, Iago and Abu battle over whether or not they should go help. Iago says they could still catch up, then realizes what he's just said and dunks his head in a bowl of water.

Now back to Dagger Rock. Getting tired of scene cuts, but this one is good for a few reasons. First, we get to see Mozenrath again. Always a plus. Aladdin is still in bondage, and this time we see it from behind him and get a look at his covered yet still very yummy looking-ass. They won't let us see his front because certain parts of him are still proudly standing at attention. Xerxes is clever with his answers once again and builds up drama when he finally gets to the point. The writers should be flayed alive for their randomization, but the set-up for the finally of this drawn-out bitchfight is being prepared! Xerxes flies up to Mozenrath and they begin yet another conversation about the guards.

Mozenrath: "So, what was the damage? Gruesome I hope."

Xerxes: "Real ugly"

Mozenrath: "So we crushed the street rat's saviors"

Xerxes: "We... lost"

In the background we see Aladdin smirking like a Cheshire cat. He has that "I know something you don't know!" look that children in elementary schools have when they know their enemies are in trouble. He knows damn well Jasmine has snuck her way into the party, and is steadily making her way to the scene to take back what is hers... the victory of the fight. Aladdin is the prize, mind you... but she still just wants to win.

Mozenrath: "What? My Mamluks? Defeated by mere mortals?"

Aladdin decides to chip in and insult his captor (not really a good idea in light of his position). "Pretty pathetic Mozenrath." he drawls.

"I should have known the Sultan would send his bravest warriors to rescue his Court Jester!" he hisses, using his power to pull Aladdin closer to him and then slam him back against the rock face. The erection seems to be gone now, but it was there, girls. I swear it was there. He then picks up a few stones with his fire and clasps them in his gauntlet, looking up to Aladdin again with a determined smile. "Well, I like a good laugh too... I'm laughing already!" He has ceased to make sense... maybe that was a reference to the Court Jester thing, but I guess we'll never know for sure. He then proceeds to laugh, nervously in my opinion, seeing as how that particular laugh sounds different from all others, and throws the stones up into the air...

The stones form into giant hands and attack the guards so viciously Genie and Jasmine are forced to reveal their identities. While the hand has captured both Razoul and the obese guard, one must note that the big guy's skin has completely changed color. Nice, another animation mistake. I'll have to go back through and count them all up later. In this scene Genie once again does his horrible impersonation of a AVON Consultant on crack, but this time she is armed with a really big red jackhammer. Once the hands are dealt with, Jasmine, Carpet and Genie head out to Dagger Rock. Some to save Aladdin, others to beat the living hell out of a home wrecking man-whore. As they leave, Genie's pants are grey now, not blue. I think the artists are just getting bored at this point, don't you?

Coming up, THE BITCHFIGHT OF THE CENTURY! And I know it was because I asked Genie. HA! Beat that!

Mozenrath is pacing, moping, ranting and generally pissing himself over the fact that he didn't get his way. Typical bottom behavior. I feel it only civil to point out at this moment that his actions are not limited only to himself. Villains everywhere - usually the most popular ones, exhibit this kind of reaction when their oh-so carefully laid out plans crumble around them. I believe they are bitching way too much to be believed... and if they really think that their lives are so fucking hard they should live for one day as an unwed teenage mother. THEN we will see if they still want to piss and moan about their own problems.

Back to the episode - Mozenrath uses all sorts of neat submissive body language to communicate his emotional distress - things like bending over from the force of his hissy-fit, thrusting his arms around aimlessly and making faces that are really inappropriate anywhere but in the bedroom. As he speaks, we note that his voice is strained as well, much like a four-year-old who's just realized they were tricked into eating something healthy.

"My orders to the princess were simple. The Lamp was to be mine by nightfall!" He basically whines. I should note right now that the sun SEEN IN THE BACKGROUND is on the edge of a 100 foot high rock face, NOT falling under the horizon. It is nowhere NEAR nightfall yet, you impatient prick.

Aladdin immediately retorts with a very incriminating remark. "Princess Jasmine doesn't take orders from ANYBODY!" Including her father and YOU apparently. I wonder who will be ruling Agrabah after her father dies and who will be tied up on the royal bed while being forced to lick red high-heels while someone beats on his balls with a pointed staff? You just gave it all away, dude. No going back now.

VERY suddenly Mozenrath's voice becomes disturbingly calm, his posture very relaxed and serene. He has gone from 'lamenting rapist' mode to 'homicidal maniac' mode. Aladdin is in seriously deep shit, and he fucking knows it. Bi-Polar, self-hating and whiny bottoms have a deep character flaw: Piss them off and you fucking die. It doesn't matter HOW much they want you, or how GOOD you have proven yourself to be in bed, or how much FUN it is when you engage in playful bad-guy/good-guy banter back and forth. You have breached the EMO line, and now you must pay the price with pain, lots of vomit-inducing sound effects, and ludicrous amounts of blood.

"That being the case... I'm thinking that I should keep my end of the bargain. It's been nice knowing you, Aladdin.. Then again... NO IT HASN'T!" Mozenrath moves in for the kill, spouting his obligatory villainous one-liner with bravado and shameless grabbing of Aladdin's clothing. As his Gauntlet glows with mellifluous blue fire and comes ever closer to Aladdin's face (plastered with an astonishingly good look of impending doom for Disney), OH! Look! A commercial break!

BL:ACKOUT!

Don't you just HATE commercial breaks during the good part?

"Good-bye, Aladdin!" Funny, the one-liner changed... once again, story randomization.

Mozenrath moves in for the kill, spouting his obligatory villainous one-liner with bravado and shameless grabbing of Aladdin's clothing. Mozenrath is obviously having the common mental fixation that many high schoolers get after being dumped. "If I can't have you, NO ONE CAN!"

Foolish as always, Aladdin's expression has gone from 'impending doom' to 'you won't do it. C'mon, pussy... do it. DO IT!'. See how they did the previous expression just before the commercial break to catch your attention and make you want to stay for more? Huh? Tricky bastards.

As his Gauntlet glows with mellifluous blue fire and comes ever closer to Aladdin's face, a feminine voice rings through the air.

"HELLOOOOOO MOZENRATH!"

Mozenrath's face changes, his bi-polar homicidal episode now over for the moment. Instead he goes from surprised to 'awww... fuck.' We agree with him, bit the fight must go on. And now that both contestants are present on the battlefield...

DING-DING-DING!

TWO Bitches will enter the arena, and only ONE will leave! Who will it be? The hopelessly needy and bi-polar bottom with an arsenal of magic at his disposal... OR the creepy blue-blooded dominatrix chick with experience in breaking the spirits of men? NO ONE KNOWS! Prizes will be remembered and divvied after the carnage is over and the crew has finished steam-cleaning the stage. Watch and learn how REAL Bitches fight in -

"BITCH, MY MAN AIN'T YOUR FUCKING PROPERTY!"

Aladdin unfortunately gets the first word in for the titanic battle: he faces Mozenrath (who is still shamelessly trying to pull poor Al's shirt off) and smirks in his irritating 'i told you so' way. "Told ya'!" he quips childish way.

The camera pans up to Jasmine – standing astride the carpet in a magnificent dominatrix pose that would make over half of Bangkok's inner city whores stand up and applaud in admiration! She places her hand delicately on her leg, carelessly examining the nails on the other, all the time maintaining her balance on a constantly shifting magical rug and all this while perfectly sustaining the lay of her massive amount of hair! She preens, she poses and spouts a line I'm sure Aladdin has heard many times already: "I always get my man..." And this... yes, even THIS, she manages to pull off successfully with the tiniest smirk. My friends, the impressive performance may impress Aladdin, Xerxes and even US, but it does nothing to sway Mozenrath!

Mozenrath, in no mood for Jasmine's puerile little games, proceeds to insult her instantly and with no regard for the show of dominatrix bravado she has just displayed. He laughs it off and faces his familiar, spouting a very snippy, "Look, Xerxes! It's the royal pain!"

Jasmine's expression turns dark. If she gets a hold of Mozenrath, he will pay dearly for that one. But once again he shrugs it off with another one of his classic lines: "Ooohhh! If looks could bruise..."

Bruise?

BRUISE?

That look scared ME, and I HATE Jasmine.

Having had more than enough of Mozenrath's insolent behavior, Jasmine leaps at him and kicks him square in the chest before he can even get the Gauntlet to charge enough to blast at her! Dastardly insults aside, the first true striking point goes to Jasmine. Not only does she hit him, but she seems to have knocked him off of a cliff that is lined at the bottom with very sharp and curvy rocks. Though he manages to catch himself, barely, and only with a lot of help from his gauntlet, I believe that is yet another point for Jasmine.

2-0 Jasmine.

Mozenrath HAS saved himself though, and his look up once he stops can only be interpreted as "Oh, HELL no, BITCH! You did NOT just push me off a fucking CLIFF!" He climbs all the way back up in record time (keep in mind the time line gap here, as it should have taken him a while to climb back up), and immediately prepares for an attack with a look of DEATH on his face!  
"Are you clear on how excruciatingly PAINFUL my powers can be?" he growls menacingly, raising his hand to deliver what might likely have been a fatal blow.

Point to Mozenrath. 1-2 Jasmine.

Just as he is about to deal the blow unmercifully though, Xerxes flies up behind his head and directs his Master's attention to "The Trap!" by utilizing his tail and pushing on his cheek... giving Mozenrath a decidedly fishy look. You can almost imagine him going 'pook pook' like a goldfish...

Ahem...

Genie is trying to free Aladdin, who really shouldn't have a part in this little scene seeing as how he's interrupting the bitchfight. They both end up getting tangled up in the tar, and now Aladdin is upside-down.

:SNERK:

NICE!

Mozenrath makes the first big mistake in any good bitchfight – he turns his back on the enemy. When he leans in to say "Welcome, my Genie." in his sultry little voice, Jasmine managed to sneak up behind him and screech so shrilly that Mozenrath's face momentarily takes on a look of horrible pain. Pause the scene – it's true!

"He's not your Genie!" she shrieks. She is once again on Carpet, and right behind Mozenrath. There was the possibility of a fatal blow and, though she did not abuse the opportunity, a point will be deducted from Mozenrath's side for sheer stupidity.

Just after, he knocks her down with no more than a flick of his little gauntleted fingers, and she lands AGAIN in the 'helpless princess got knocked down' pose. She does not get up for a while, having been momentarily KO'ed. A point is awarded to Mozenrath, and a point deducted for Jasmine for being bitchslapped to unconsciousness when she had the high ground advantage. Score is 1-1. TIE!

The fight would be Mozenrath's were it not for the fact that he won't SHUT THE FUCK UP. A flaw which most villains fall victim to in their battles. The fight is technically still in session so long as he's still gloating and he is pompous enough to keep going... and going, and going.

"Why is she constantly contradicting me?" he asks the... wind, apparently, as no one is listening to him any longer. He grabs onto Aladdin and Genie, freeing them from the tar and depositing them on the ground in front of him so he can gloat over them in a slightly more dignified manner. That SHOULD be a point deduction on his part for being stupid enough to let the HERO OUT OF HIS OWN TRAP, but it's not... because it technically has nothing to do with the bitchfight. "Now, my magical captives must obey a few ground rules. (Like he's had magical captives before? O.o; ) I don't put up with obstinate servants."

At this point Genie flies right up to him and starts poking our beloved villain unmercifully in the chest several times while insisting that "I'm a FREE Genie, bub!" Pause the frame here – Mozenrath cringes, curls back, ducks his head and even puts his gauntlet between them. Seems like he has a phobia against being touched unless he has given due permission. The look on his face is priceless, as are the awkward positions of his eyebrows. I should consider that an animation mistake since it means people have no sense of proportion, but we'll let that one slide.

We will also ignore the incredibly feminine reference Genie made to his manacles looking good with a tasteful string of pearls.

Mozenrath continues, again unheeding of the insanity going on around him. He seems used to this sort of thing by now, though we can only assume how in the world he learned to ignore insanity.

CoughDesdaincough

"Hmmm... how DOES one trap a free Genie? What is THIS? THIS might do the trick!" he banters masterfully, pulling a fist-sized crystal out of his cloak. Genie immediately backs off and screams, eyes becoming twice the size of his body. We learn then that this is the Crystal of Ix, and to even say the name of it would be to invite Genie's doom.

Jasmine has woken up. Mozenrath is still talking. Point to Jasmine. Score is now 2-1 Jasmine.

Mozenrath, ever the cheeky little bastard, bows and says "Allow me. IXTALA!"

Genie says a cute line: "AAH! He SAID it!" which reminds me of Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail and the Knights of Nee! Remember? The "AAH! They said 'it'!" scene? The mini Crystal of Ix glows and sucks up Xerxes, poor thing, but only for a moment or two. Mozenrath lets the heroes witness the trapped eel just long enough for them to get the point, then lets his familiar out with the cry of "IXTABOR!"

Poor Xerxes, as you'll see here if you freeze-frame it, has just been contained for a short amount of time inside a crystal that is about a fifth the size of his body. Poor, poor Xerxes! And I believe, personally, that he only ran away in the first place when Mozenrath shouted the spell of capture was because he had been used as a test subject several times before to see if the crystal worked.

Bastard...

Genie, not so cowardly now that he's noticed the crystal only snagged the 'wonder slug', challenges Mozenrath. After, of course, he crawls out from behind Aladdin. "Let's see you catch a semi-phenomenal nearly cosmic Genie with that little knick-nack!"

"Point well taken," Mozenrath purrs, putting a hand to his chin. "If only I had... a MONUMENTAL CRYSTAL!" He then fires up his gauntlet with a reddish-orange glow (the one that actually does serious damage... one must wonder why he doesn't use THAT one while shooting at his enemies?), and flies in circles around Dagger Rock itself, which encases a gigantic Crystal of Ix.

Aright, girls... even before we knew about it... who saw that one coming?

Raise your hands now. Yeah – it was obvious.

So, the really wicked awesome scene where Mozenrath flies around the rock, cutting it up with his gauntlet and revealing the crystal is over. Now we get a full-view of the crystal, and it's PRETTY! I WANT ONE! It has a sweet as hell ring of rocks surrounding it too. Now, Mozenrath screams his little line again, "IXTALA!" and does it with an incredible amount of drama. Bravo, dude.

The crystal reacts immediately and a beam of light shoots out to locate the nearest source of magic – it latches onto Genie and pulls him in like a Tractor Beam from Star Trek. Mozenrath engages in a bout of maniacal laughter that only serves to make him look even cuter – especially that quiet bit at the beginning – as he watches Aladdin desperately grasp Genie's hand and attempt to keep him from getting sucked in by STRADDLING A ROCK. Must have hurt when he hit it right in the testicles, but he bore it without so much as a flinch. Bravo! Aladdin has earned our respect with that one!

Jasmine, being a tricky little dominatrix bitch, has gotten it through her head that Mozenrath is just FULL of magical energy. Bout time too, as she missed several really good opportunities for entry into the fight since she woke up FOUR PARAGRAPHS AGO! Anyway, her and Carpet disappear off screen – and the episode is almost over. Sad, isn't it?

Aladdin still grapples with Genie, trying to keep him from being captured like a rat... like a gigantic blue rat! Mozenrath, from his vantage point, is watching sadistically and laughing, declaring "I LOVE IT!" right before chuckling in such a way that ONLY HIS TORSO MOVES. Looks like someone is tickling him, really.

After watching Aladdin struggle a bit more, utilizing his incredible balls of steel to steady himself on the rock he is straddling for an anchor, Mozenrath looks thoughtful. "Look how Aladdin loves his Genie... he'd do anything for him. Can we really take his Genie away?" he asks Xerxes playfully. Xerxes grins and nods like the perfect example of obedience and stupidity he is. "In a Gomorrah minute!" Mozenrath snaps, and one must wonder exactly how long a Gomorrah minute IS really...

There is Jasmine – flying around in the background all quietly, sneaking up on her prey like a Panther in the woods for a single death strike! As Mozenrath leans down to deliver what would likely be an incredibly painful blow to Aladdin (seeing as how this was the reddish-orange flame instead of the blue-black one), Jasmine picks the man right up by his cape and dangles him in midair!

I guess I was wrong about the limited upper-body strength thing... she seems to be able to carry Mozenrath well enough. But if you notice, Carpet has changed his shape. He is not just providing the princess support, he has contoured his shape to support her completely from foot to chest. This likely would increase her strength simply because of the extra help. All she has to do at this point is hold on.

Mozenrath looks up, recognizing that the bitchfight must be back in session, and getting the sinking feeling that the fight would have been his if he had just managed to suppress his verbal diarrhea for three fucking minutes to finish the fight himself. Unfortunately that wasn't the case: he had to watch the hero squirm.

"YOU!" he yells in recognition, just before Jasmine dangles the man over the beam of light currently latched onto Genie!Mozenrath convulses through his entire body at the shock as if he were experiencing an epileptic seizure, and shrieks like the submissive bottom once again as he is dragged into the crystal – taking Xerxes with him

Jasmine has... it's so fucking sad... but the princess has actually WON the bitchfight. I must regrettably announce the victory to be hers.

Jasmine's final line and victory trademark is to poke at the crystal just over Mozenrath's trapped form (once again the animators are awesome. Moze looks like he's been doing something or is ABOUT to do something pervy with that impressive mouth of his...), and say "Next time, know who you're up against!"

Boo. Hiss.

And so, they leave Mozenrath in the crystal – once again, something not-so-heroic to do to another living creature... - but not before Jasmine gets to use the line Aladdin spouted to her early in the episode as a desperate plea for sex: "It's all in the company you keep."

The Sultan, to me, seems to be an excellent actor. He sees the guards, all of them, come back with both Aladdin and Jasmine in tow. They were supposed to make sure Jasmine stayed in her room, and that Aladdin was DEAD. Still, they have apparently gotten rid of Mozenrath, and politics will be pleased that his daughter has proven to be a formidable warrior, even in the face of incredible magic and trickery. He compliments her on her ingenuity, in no way admitting he was wrong about locking her in her room and treating her like a... well... woman. Aladdin says the DUMBEST thing, hugging Jasmine's shoulders and spouting an incredibly sappy "My hero!"

Grrr... There aren't even words to describe how sick that made me feel! Well... maybe in French, but definitely not in English.

Alright... the END! Here it is, my friends... the ending scene! Iago and Abu both appear at Dagger rock, dressed in bad battle regalia that makes me think of RAMBO, and piss and moan about missing the fight. Mozenrath is seen once again inside the crystal, looking ready to suck something.

Now, what I believe happened is that, Iago, being a former familiar himself, instantly recognizes the crystal for what it is and says the magic words in jest to teach the monkey what they are – since he can't keep his damned mouth shut for anything, even if no one is listening to him. Mozenrath is expelled from the crystal, landing on a ledge up above the duo, so nobody sees him. Iago and Abu eventually get bored and leave.

Sad, isn't it? But at least Aladdin isn't in his house when the credits role this time...

And so, overall, my ratings of this episode are as follows:

Evil Plot: 9 out of 10. It was still as good as the first one, but this time he kidnapped Aladdin himself. Trouble is, he underestimated a cast-iron heartless bitch. Stupid.

Voice Quality: 9 out of 10. Not bad, no critically OOC things in the voice in this one.

Cool Creatures: 0 out of 10. I can't consider the tar a creature, so there were no new ones here.

OOC Mozenrath: 0 out of 10. SWEET! NO OOC MOZENRATH! YAAAAYYY!

Bitch Fight: 10 out of 10. THE bitchfight episode. It was so fucking awesome, don't you think?

Sexual Tension: 10 out of 10. Moze had Aladdin tied up for 90 of the episode, and I won't even try to explain what could have happened during all those time-gaps. There is, also, the erection that the Disney company went so far to hide.

BDSM: 9 out of 10. LOTS of Bondage and grabbing and senseless violence here.

Number of Animation mistakes, not counting nasty snapshots and horrid pajama colors: 4.

Now, something has always bothered me about the ending of this episode. Not the animals or the throne room scene: but when Mozenrath was defeated. Here is my list of things he could have done to escape before Jasmine let him go.

FLY. Duh, bitch!

Shoot her.

Shout "Ixtabor" to stop the crystal.

Have Xerxes bite her in the ass... then she would have let go earlier.

Catch the carpet on fire with one blast.

Teleport.

Kill the animators.

See? Not difficult. I won't consider this OOC, but come on!

And that concludes my... 16 page long episode summary of THE SECRET OF DAGGER ROCK!

Do with it what you will, great Yaoistess!


End file.
